Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
