Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
