just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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