No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
