You made me cry and you don't even care
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
