Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
