he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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