i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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