I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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