my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
