my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
