i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
