i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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