Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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