I cannot find my penis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
