You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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