First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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