guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
