worst night to have a conscience
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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