I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize