guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
