I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
