i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
