when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
