Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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