my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
