I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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