he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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