Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
