as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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