I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize