yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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