Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
