i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
