So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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