chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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