I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
