There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
