Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
