Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Two words: blizzard sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
