get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
