I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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