I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
