NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
