I am puke
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
