so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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