I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
