paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
