If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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