i don't plan on having that self control this summer
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
