Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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