I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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