Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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