So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
