I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
