The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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