I wanna bring you to show and tell
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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