yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
