New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
