haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
