i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
