I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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